Smile Amber, Smile. As a child this is the facial expression every child should have on there face. A large sweet looking grin with very crooked teeth that are too big for my mouth waits to be up next for a photo. Pictures getting taken as a whole family for memories when we are older. After each picture is taken, the light from each shutter blinds everyone’s eyes as as they imagine what dinner will look like. Condensation fills the house windows as people breathed and laughs . Everyone is so comfortable around one and other, sharing stories of what we have all been up to recently. Christmas is a time where we can all bond and share special moments that we will all remember forever. Lovely smells fill the family home as the turkey cooks away in our old oven we have had for however long Mum can remember. As the night drags on, the wood in the fire burns away, leaving a not so nice smell to linger through the lounge. Presents, ahh. Where to start. This is most peoples favorite part of christmas, Knowing they behaved enough to get onto Santa’s good list. Toys all over the ground forcing everyone to cut a maze through it. A small old house where we grew up, running around, arguing over who goes in mum or dads car to town, and lots of laughing.
Time flies by quickly. Life changes rapidly like a flash of lighting on one day then a bright sunny day the next. You can never predict what’s going to happen. The feelings that a human can experience can sometimes affect the ways of how you live.
Cold air breezes through the house with a sad feeling drowning the room. Different family events, no more filming. Members added to the family overime. A small puppy like sob coming from the crib in the corner of the room creating the feeling of being exhausted and stressed. Stepping out of bed to help the small human who is still learning about life seems like a mission, pulling back the blankets at 1am with weak tired arms is draining. The soft light feathery sheets now feel like being underwater in a huge current, trying to keep you under. As the thought of being able to create and grow your own human being once again after the other children have all grown up to be successful or not is a loving feeling. The feeling of still having people around you and not being lonely once everyone else leaves home. The family home is still full of love and a wonderful warm feeling where everyone can feel comfortable. the difference between the people you loved and people you thought you loved can be upsetting. But knowing that you can have another chance and to start fresh is fine. weather its having a new husband with a new child or your ex husband and the children you had with him there will always be memories and good things to hold with you in life. The heartwarming feeling a mother has towards a child brings you together.
Hi Amber,
As I just mentioned to the class – look to remove the personal pronoun ‘I’ from your work. Focus on the description of the scene, rather than a narrative sense.
So far with this piece, you need to create more of a sense of the place. Remember to appeal to the senses when describing your scene, so that I can really experience where it is.
Consult the ‘Bannockburn’ piece or the task handout to support your writings.
GB
Hi Amber,
Consult July 21st’s feedback.
Continue to work to bring the scene to life for your reader, so that they be transported to it.